☣ A Beautiful Encounter ☣ (ssinurn_thalra) wrote,
☣ A Beautiful Encounter ☣

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I know I am stronger than this...

I know I am stronger than this, I know it. I have been through so much in my lifetime I should be able to handle this easily.
I think its because I'm not used to having these emotions. But I can't handle his, The jester and the hatter.
Moreso, the Jester...
I can handle the abuse the Hatter dishes out, I've been there before... the threats of rape, the beating, wing pulling, feather plucking, being beaten with various objects and had various forms of torture. But I can't handle the emotional abuse of the Jester.
The constant text messages,emails and calls about the play by play abuse of my brother.
Half or not he is my brother and I love him.
*cries* I can't do anything to help him.
And its my fault he's being hurt.
Everytime I stand my ground and defend him, she hurts him.
First she beat him, then she ripped out his tounge, now she has him pinned to the wall with Seth to be used as a dart board.
Why is he suffering because of me.
How can I do this to someone I love.

Today looked so hopefull, the Hatter got yelled at for beating me sensless last night. I got to see Zephyr and be close to him.
He even said I would be the one to carry his child. *sad smiles* It made me so happy. And now, I'm causing Solo more pain.
I would give up anything to be in his place, to know he was safe. Mayhaps, I should strike a deal with Jester, as she seems the gambling kind.
I need to think, I need to stop feeling, I need this to end and end now.
I need to protect my family.
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